It’s all about the pie!

The pie is only half baked. Liz Truss is going to fix that!

Half baked? A pie, earlier today

(reading time: 2 mins)

What was Liz Truss going on about when she told Laura Kuenssberg we need to grow the size of the pie? Let’s be honest here, most of us are too thick to understand clever economic stuff like this. But really, it’s brilliantly simple.

You see, since 2008 too many British people have been stuck eating supermarket own-brand fun-size pork pies, which are mostly ground up snouts, trotters, sawdust and chicken feet. Yeuch!! But now, thanks to her tax cuts, the rich can buy lots more massive Venison and Partridge pies from Harrods. They won’t be able to eat all their pie, so they’ll share the leftover pie with the upper middle classes. The upper middle classes will get really full, and they’ll share their Waitrose responsibly sourced Organic pies with the lower middle classes.

The lower middle classes can then share their Sainsburys’ pies with the working poor… who will then share their pies with people on benefits, and so on. Eventually, the rich peoples’ pies will become so big, even the poor will be eating Venison and Partridge pie very day!

Here’s the really brilliant part though – none of us will need to pay for heating because the pies will be really, really hot! And nobody will be homeless because the crusts will be so big you’ll be able to live under them, and not pay any rent. As Liz Truss says, the solution is to grow the size of the pie! Thank you Prime Minister. It’s so obvious now.

Oh, and just in case that doesn’t work, remember it’s all the fault of the Bank of England, all those City remoaners, Keir Starmer, and probably Jamie Oliver, for not baking a pie big enough to go round.